anobody

I am confused and hurting, like all of people-kind.

Full of shit, full of ideas, with flecks of wisdom.

My isolation is combination of my own choices and the choices of my parents. We lived a nomadic lifestyle, never staying in one place for long enough. Never long enough for me to sink my roots in.

So out of my sheer isolation I realised I do have a strength. I can work solo. When I get into the flow, time just passes by so quickly.

I screamed at God today. God said “You cannot serve me and money”. But my culture worships money. So I screamed – hollered – in a sheer frenzy – “I will do both! Just you watch!”. In that moment, I wanted to prove God wrong.

I hated money with a passion. But it was the way the system works at the moment. I can rage all I want, but I have no alternative to it.

Yet the picture of Eden beckons. A place where money regulated nothing. Yes, we don’t live in that world, but what is stopping me from reclaiming that dream in present-day life.

Alot is stopping me, granted. And I haven’t a clue.

So my desperation remains unsolved. The tension remains.

I decide in this moment that I am going back to my “write then release” method. I have two other projects that require the rewriting that allows one to cultivate excellence. That makes three projects in my haphazard sabbatical. I am 170 days in. I have been reawakened for 370 days.

This blog is my trash can. Where I spew out an unrefined mixture of life and death.

And if no one cares, that’s a good thing. I don’t want to be some cult following. Rather that society leaves the madman in the naughty corner where no one else wants to be.