anobody

To the Triune God, the God revealed in Jesus Christ, who was born nearly two thousand years ago.

My identity is distinct from my doing. My identity is from you, with you, moulded by you, created by you, unchanging in its essence – for your perfection is mine by faith – and in its presence, the reality of my identity is constantly renewed and pruned towards perfection. My identity is being a hired servant of God, ushered into paradise on earth, utterly by grace, as I walk with you, with a mixture of anguish and joy. My doing can, and should – for the sake of my soul – always change towards the better, the fuller, in time. To change in this way is to slowly but surely be rid of all the chains of sin, the memory of sin, the habits of evil that form the invisible chains.

That is why I must keep my doing and my identity separate. I must remember (I cannot keep, for if this is truth, it must be external to me, not kept by my strength) my doing and my identity are in two different realms. They do cross-over, intersect, and nourish each other, but they cannot be said to be the same thing.

I am not a physicist. I am a hired servant of God who can answer some physics problems and teach some physics. The project of teaching.

I am not a cleaner. I am hired servant of of God who sweeps, dusts, and wipes the dirt, wherever it may be. The project of cleaning.

I am not an artist. I am a hired servant of God who draws, writes, and compiles what is drawn with what is written into a book. The project of compiling books.

For if eternity is a reality that confronts us all after death, will not the prestige of the professional, the salience of the specialist, be sunken into eternity? Will not eternity provide us all endless opportunity to learn – in both thought and action – all things? Will not eternity stare down all those who draw their identity – to their own hurt – from being more skilled at something above others, trapped in the vortex of unhealthy, condemning comparison? Eternity knows not the morbid comparison because it makes comparison null with its unlimitedness, its endlessness, its never ending depth.

All things – the things that are good, which are alot more than what is evil – will be accessible, joyfully taught to one another in the eternal harmony of heaven – the harmony of countless lives lived in the knowledge of God and each other.

And … I left this blog in-waiting for so long. At least a few months. By God’s grace alone I will continue. For every minute, every second is from God. I think of my colleague who created suicide on the day of our Quantum Field Theory exam. I think of my high-school teacher who died in his home from a heart attack. I think of my grandfather who died after a fall – leaving my father in anguish and my grandma alone.

Time is always a gift from God. Every atto-second, every pico-second, every nano-second, every micro-second, every milli-second, every centi-second, every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year. For existence on earth is short!

I have misused time to my peril and judgment. This is a sin, for regret is a pain. The idol of deleterious self-hatred that masquerades as self-love – this is apparent through my gaming and pornography, where in a blind bid for nothing – for “glory” and “intimacy” – I am at least left with nothing, and at most left with even less than I started with. The lie is that in them I can find these good things, these experiences, these pieces of life solely in these things.

Though I may follow the white rabbits to these two holes (this is no attack of Lewis Carroll, who had unequivocally done his written work well) – let me fill them up with dirt when I arrive. Like the white rabbit, I say “I am late” to all that is good, all that is adult, all that is worthy of praise.

I said this last year with much regret, with much agony and angst.

In the place of the voice “I am late”, I will turn to focus to The One who says.

“Focus on ME. Find your rest – both body and soul – in me. Love ME with ALL you have – your heart, soul, and strength (even if you have yet to understand what soul means) in this moment. Then in the same way that I love you through what happens to you – active or passive – love others. Know MY love for you, that people may know MY love through you. Keep walking with me, even if all else, yourself, and others fail you.”

Focus. Focus. Focus. Not on myself, but on The One who is revealed in Jesus the King.

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:42-43 | Luke et. al. +75 to +95)