🪴Growing With Jesus ✝️

January 13, 2023

🍟Diversion🍟

… and love songs.

I have found that love songs reflect our idealization of a partner. An idealization that would be a heavy yoke to place on another. Great expectations that will crush them.

That ultimate realization of that idealization can be found in Jesus. Jesus is the symbol of our desire. I was taught this by my Kaji.

And the closest realisation of that idealization is to have a partner who is a follower of Jesus. Someone who seeks to emulate the only king. The king on the inside.

🍔Main🍔

Like me, you may be single, and have no one to grow with. Someone to grow as you go on this strange journey on Mother Earth. Someone to grow old with you.

Ever catch a glimpse of couple and have your heart ache like crazy? I have to look away so I don’t ache anymore. And think of something else.

Sometimes seeing happy families just depress me, as the grasping self reminds me of what I don’t have. The ingratitude of it all.

I do my singleness by growing with Jesus and my Kaji.

How with Jesus? The Gospel of John for this year. Many signs (church, BSF, other churches, family are doing it too) point to this. Using Dwell.

Trusting that with Jesus, I gain everything that I truly desire. Not like the dogshit porn I just watched this morning that made me feel like utter shit. Time to get with the good porn I am going to cultivate (No real women mind you! And gentle sex! And knowing in all the ways of it – spiritual, emotional, physical, and intellectual!).

I am like Solomon (virtually, in my heart). I had committed adultery of the heart (not of the body) with thousands of women so far. I think it took some time (20+ years of walking on this earth) to realise I was no different from the flawed characters in The Bible.

🛡️ Haha, I remember telling my mum I was lusting after a nice woman (who looked after me) at the age of six. I had no freakin’ idea at that time. That’s what you get when you receive the knowledge of good and evil as a kid. You get guilty for nor reason. 🛡️

It’s a chasing after the wind without love. Without Jesus.

For Jesus Is Love.